editor’s note: kobe’s (post) thanksgiving email
Every year, on the first day of December, I like to take a little time out of my busy schedule to recognize and give thanks. I’d like to take the opportunity of this email to share some of the things that I recognize and thank with y’all…
Thank you the Sun: without you there would be no day.
Thank you Space-Time and Physics: you make existence as we know it possible.
Thank you Albert Einstein: Space-Time and Physics, duh.
Thank you Black Mamba: you are my inspiration, the animalification of almost perfection. Before you, I had no idea it was possible to strike with 99 percent accuracy at maximum speed, in rapid succession. I had always thought accuracy peaked at about 97 percent. My idol was the Great White Shark, and s/he isn’t even capable of striking in rapid succession.
Thank you Evolution: you created the Black Mamba.
Thank you Leonardo Da Vinci: most people credit Darwin for the evolutionary theory, but I’ve always thought it was yours. It makes too much sense. Furthermore, I constantly strive to be a renaissance man in at least one aspect of my life.
Thank you Hess: every year your new truck model tops the last’s. A truck with a jet! How the fuck did you come up with that?
Thank you the 80s: out of all the decades I can think of, you were the most fun.
Thank you George Washington Carver: not only were you a great man, but really, what an unbelievable name.
Last but not least, I’d like to thank the Zoom Kobe III Genius ad campaign: without you, this email would have been picture-less, and in my opinion, quite bland. I’ll leave you with this question: If you don’t dress up as your heroes, are they really your heroes?